The Phrases shared by My Dad Which Helped Us during my time as a New Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good place. You require support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger failure to talk among men, who continue to hold onto damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - spending a couple of days overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."